Ok new post time

Well life has been a little busy for me lately, therefore I’ve been hiding out around facebook mostly, and working, and changing lots of things in my life.

I don’t really know what to say today, I’m kind of out of my loop. I feel great today, better than I’ve felt in a long time.

Several things are either falling into place or holding steady and looking good. I have a few big things left in my life that I have to get straightened out, but those things are on a timeline and that’s the best I can do.

Otherwise, work has just starting going very well. My outlook is improving dramatically, even after I thought I was a pretty positive guy.

Home life is strange. For the sake of privacy I’m not going to get into the most personal parts of my life. Needless to say, things are much different than I’d thought they’d be today.

But I am confident that they will all work out.

Ok that’s all… back to the grind.


Soul Sucker

So appropriate for some things in my life these past few days and maybe weeks… a repost that is scarily accurately appropriate!

Soul Sucker
I feel my body drooping from an attack. My blood is pumping hard, trying to rush necessary survival chemicals to my brain. I had mistaken my senses alerting me to run for those that elude pain. Being swallowed into a swirling storm of chaos draws me close to a fire that does not want to be extinguished.

I was mislead, but more than that, I miscalculated. I trusted where none was warranted; I believed when to do so would be foolish; I gave my precious energy and in doing so fell spriraling into a black hole.

My mind told me countless times, but I based my actions on faith in someone else. I believed they could be good-hearted. That behind all that take was some give.


Imagine looking up
from the top
from the bottom

Tossed into confusion
too confusing

The swirls of euphoria
descend into pain
the top, the bottom

I lose myself
in time
in rhyme

I chase rabbits freely
sweetly knowing

allen p.


haven’t been much for cybercommo lately. just checking in. life is ok here, hopefully all are doing well.

that’s all i have today. boring,  i know, but i’m tired of not having anything here for updates.

that’s it.

Tao Te Ching Chapter 81 (excerpt)

“The way of heaven is to benefit and not to harm.

The way of the True Reason is to assist without striving in the unfolding of the story of the earth.”

Benefit and not harm, assist without striving. That’s a good approach to life…

Check out my new work blog…

Well, I’ve started a blog for a company I work for names AJ Grants and Development… The blog is about, well, grants and business development.

CLICK HERE TO CHECK IT OUT (ajgrants.wordpress.com)

Over the past several years I’ve tried to rebuild a career that I almost gave up on. During this time, I’ve learned by trial and error (usually by error) how to be a professional.

I’ve also learned how not to be a professional. One thing I learned is to keep my personal life, and my personal problems, completely separate from my professional life.

This may seem obvious to most people, but it wasn’t to me. I tried to turn some things that are very personal to me into part of my professional life. I burned myself and several people around me doing that.

Now, I’m not going to go into much detail, partially because I’ve learned that things like blogs can become part of my professional life. And I’ve tried to keep most of this blog public-personal… a new category (to me) of life.

I ask myself this – “what do I want EVERYONE to know” or more importantly “what do I NOT want everyone to know”… and that’s what I write, or don’t write, respectively, on this blog.

Slowly but surely I am rebuilding bridges that I’ve burned in my youth… and eventually, sooner than later, I’ll get to the ones I burned in my not-so-youth.

Until then, I just press onwards, and do my best to be professional, personable, and empathetic… things I haven’t always cared about.

I don’t know the point of this blog, except to document another day in the journey. After all, its the journey, not the destination.

The Angry Son

A new writing project I’m working on, not yet daily, but soon to be daily. I have started this as a memoir, not that I’m old enough, but I have been through the gates of hell and back.

I am not an angry person, to the world. But the title comes from the way I’ve treated myself over the years. I tended towards self-violence, and not in a small way. I tried to destroy myself slowly, methodically, under the guise of ‘having fun.’

Now, I’ve become much more calm, passive, and kind to myself. I’ve learned the folly of my ways… learned to care about the day, and about how I can help others. And how can I do that if I am partially unconscious all the time?

So, I’m just making the announcement here. Although I won’t direct you to the source just yet, I’m sure the fruits of this work will end up here in some form or another, off and on.

The project also starts at the same time as a new writing contract, and another new business effort, so if I seem to be absent from my blog, that may get worse before it gets better. But I’ll still come around here several times a week.

I think I’m going to start updating specific days of the week, starting today I’ll try to at least update once a week, on Tuesdays. I may add another day, probably will, but we’ll just see how that works for now.


Trying to get twitter to update facebook and blog… had 2 of 3… now back to none. Will get there.