Loving life

That’s all. Its a good day. The sun is shining. The sky is blue. The air is crisp. I am feeling fresh and clean. And you are more beautiful than ever. All of you.

Love
Allen

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You’ve got to get up to get down…

Anyone remember this one? Am I dating myself here?

“I came to get down.”

Today I certainly did. Work has been slow and steady but today I am picking up the pace out of necessity. I’ve got another contract breathing down my neck.

Plus several requests that I’m looking at, informally.

There’s always a rainbow, just beyond the horizon. But just like anything else, the trick is always in nailing these things down, getting the timing right, and making them PROFITABLE.

Yes, that’s the trick.

Life on the homefront is interesting, to say the least. Maybe I’ll be more detailed on this stuff once things come out in the wash. Just a constant flux, I guess, is the best way to describe things right now.

But fun, exciting… an adventure. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So that’s it… there’s more. There always is. But for now, that’s all I’ve got.

Be careful out there. Its a wild world. Don’t get stepped on or buried.

The Voodoo who do what you don’t dare do people

Magic people… its all magic. Or something like that. I can’t really explain how things happen or why, but every event, person, song, story, and pain fit together like a puzzle. I am often the only missing piece.

Gotta stay in the now.

I’ve been riding my bike to work everyday, and I’ve learned not to look too far ahead of where I am at that moment. There are several points along the way where I simply zone out and I’m only where I am.

That’s a trick I’ve learned to make the ride more enjoyable; more meaningful. More than just one point to the next. The journey becomes part of my day.

And its quite a journey.

I change it up occasionally, a little here and a little there. Just to move around, I guess. Its nice.

Welp, lots going on, but I’m on the move right now. I’ll be in touch.

Catharsis…

Ok, here’s something I’ve put together after a powerful psychological event last summer that caused all kinds of havoc in my mind, followed by a dramatic change in me, followed by a peace of mind that I am honestly surprised to have, especially considering all that’s happening around me.

1. Traumatic Incident: a disordered psychic or behavioral state resulting from severe mental or emotional stress or physical injury
2. Catharsis: a Greek word meaning “purification”, “cleansing” or “clarification.”
3. Metamorphosis: a striking alteration in appearance, character, or circumstances
4. Integration:the act of combining into an integral whole
5. Healing: the natural process by which the body repairs itself

I stared at myself very hard, inside, after a terrible event last summer. I watched myself regurgitate the past, in bursts, like a bad stomach virus. The pain from the trauma brought out all sorts of things that had seemingly forever burrowed themselves into my psyche.

But like I said, it was more like a process… like a repeating of steps 2-5, several times… also concurrent, like I could be on step 2 for something out of the past, step 4 for something else, and then maybe starting a step 1 for something new.

At the beginning, it was very rapid, but over a few weeks, the introduction of new memories starting slowing down, and the strength of the process started to subside.

But even though there was plenty of going through them all in a small way for each memory or purge, the process was happening once, overall, for the whole event… in other words, going through steps 2-5 many times was really going through step 2 one BIG time.

Catharsis. And it went on, and on, and on…

While it was going on, I started to change, but the changes were like pendulum swings, dramatically one way, then the other, then back again, until I found a happy middle.

That is one way to describe one dimension of the metamorphosis, but there was a whole lot going on inside – really the decision that things needed to change, and the methods that would be used to change them… I assessed all this, and worked out solutions in my head as I saw some changes worked and some didn’t.

The integration sort of emerged… it didn’t just start one day. It became part of the process as I found new behaviors to help me move past the old stuff, and into the future… behaviors that led to more reward and less tiring, exhaustive lesson-learning.

Well, the integration of all these changes basically signified a loss of part of my self, a BIG part of myself. Not that I wanted to keep that part of me, but it was gone, regardless, which meant there was a big tear where that part of me existed before the summer.

This is where I made room for God, at least the way I see Him. This rewarding feeling that I started getting, as I got things right, helped me build my faith. This feeling filled up the hole where I was, and that’s where the healing happened.

And once that part of me received healing, the feeling started drifting over the whole me. I started feeling it in the old stuff that I kept, as well as the new stuff I found. I started leaning on this “doing the right thing, following the right path” mentality, and found it very stable.

The more I do “right” (at least what I see as God’s will), the better I feel about myself and my situation. And even though things may not be great all the time, I am at peace.

This peace that I’m finding isn’t always at the front of my emotions, but it is always there when I go to it. The problem is that I don’t always go to it, use it, bring it closer to me.

That is where I am today. I am learning a more personalized version of “doing the right thing” – following God’s will, daily. And as I do that, the peace that I have to tap in to, if I will, seems to grow.

Like I say, this doesn’t make my life all rosy and cheery all the time. In fact, I’ve begun to learn a healthy respect for the appropriate (or inappropriately appropriate) use of sarcasm, irony, and just being mean. But not in a childish way, or even a mean way in the true sense…

Anyway that’s a rough draft of something I’m working on… for later… this is mostly for me to remember what I have been thinking about, and what I’ve noticed so far. If you liked it, fine. If not, well…

catharsis

Life

Well, I’ve been so busy with life, I’ve had little time to piddle… here’s a pic, and a post to welcome my little Miss Elizabeth Serenity into the world…

Liz and Daddy... wecome to this beautiful world!

Liz and Daddy... wecome to this beautiful world!