Another day…

Wake, eat, caffeine, medicine, computer, news, shower, church… ok, moving on.

ok i’m alive and well just been on break. . .

not that i’m so busy or important or anything, but occasionally someone may drop by here and so for anyone that knows me, i’ve been away for a while, just living. i had to “get away” from my own life i guess. getting away is getting more difficult and sometimes there are people that aren’t happy when i do that. such is life.

but i’m back and better than ever, well and/or getting better…

made some new friends, lost some old friends, regained some old friends, and lost a few new friends. you know, life as usual, for me anyway.

i enjoy my life. but it is as they say a little unconventional. living simply and trying to avoid brain rot or too much grass growing under my feet, well all that sounds good but its still a lesson in progress. i have to pay attention, be thoughtful and mindful of others, and still stay in my own life, while trying to live in the moment.

ok, so that’s all i’ve got for now. this is a personal and boring post, to me anyway. i’m probably going to delete it, or maybe archive it, in a few days. trying to get back into the swing.

wish me luck.

ap

Information insurgency…

“Information wants to be free” – But this is not a notion of revolution… it is not as if it should be free…

No, it is a statement of entropy, of disorder, of dispersal…

So give up the idea that people own abstractions, ideas, copyrights, patents….

It is just the path we’re on… tomorrow’s general public will look like today’s pirates, just like yesterday and the day before…

Trust, truth, and beauty

From the Tao Te Ching, Chapter 17:

One who can’t trust oneself, can’t trust another

When I first read this, I was tempted to write about how I’ve had so many people doubt me, question my motives, falsely accuse me of wrongdoing.

I was tempted to bring this up:

Matthew 7.1-5
Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment that you pronounce you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, “Let me take the speck out of your eye,” when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

I wanted so badly to air my feelings of being wronged, of being judged, of being unjustly accused.

But then something occurred to me – that maybe this wasn’t about pointing fingers, or about justifying or rationalizing how right I have been so many times, despite being accused of being wrong.

Maybe this was a moment ripe for inner reflection. Maybe, the fact that I was so quick to use this sentence defensively, is just what it was meant to show me.

Maybe, just maybe, I was so quick to point the finger of mistrust at others, because I don’t trust myself.

Mark 8:36 says “For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?”

In this sense, what would it profit me to gain the whole world, by demanding trust from others, and lose my soul by not being able to see it. Lose it by not being able to look at it for what it can very well be: one of blame, and not trust, in others as well as itself.

So as I reflect back on the verse, from the Tao Te Ching, I must insist to myself that I learn to trust myself, be true to myself. I must learn to believe in myself and know that I will be true to myself.

Only then will I see the good in others, and believe that others have the capacity to care and respect, and therefore deserve my care and respect.

Only when I trust myself, with completeness, in the moment, that I am capable of living the truth daily, then I will see the truth in others, and in truth, beauty.

I must learn to be still within, and trust that I can flow along The Path effortlessly.

“I desire to do your will, O my God;
your law is within my heart.” Psalm 40:8 (New International Version)

A new day

Forgiveness, or concluding resentment, is my theme today.

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be” Lao Tzu

Some thoughts for today

From the Tao Te Ching Chpt 14

One who lives after their original conscience, lives in the present
And understands everything that has ever been
That is living according to nature

Living in the present, and not in the past or future, is something I’m working hard to do these days.

Having said that, I’m well aware that the present is in structure an interface of the past and the present. Everything that ever was and ever will be exists right now, with me.

Knowing that, I can know that as I cultivate my heart and mind, my decisions will keep me on my true path.

I am very busy working today so that’s going to have to be it for now.

Thoughts for the day

“A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.”

Lao Tzu quote

“The more you try to erase me, the more that I appear.”

Thom Yorke

“Love would never leave us alone.”

Bob Marley

Ok new post time

Well life has been a little busy for me lately, therefore I’ve been hiding out around facebook mostly, and working, and changing lots of things in my life.

I don’t really know what to say today, I’m kind of out of my loop. I feel great today, better than I’ve felt in a long time.

Several things are either falling into place or holding steady and looking good. I have a few big things left in my life that I have to get straightened out, but those things are on a timeline and that’s the best I can do.

Otherwise, work has just starting going very well. My outlook is improving dramatically, even after I thought I was a pretty positive guy.

Home life is strange. For the sake of privacy I’m not going to get into the most personal parts of my life. Needless to say, things are much different than I’d thought they’d be today.

But I am confident that they will all work out.

Ok that’s all… back to the grind.

Soul Sucker

So appropriate for some things in my life these past few days and maybe weeks… a repost that is scarily accurately appropriate!

Soul Sucker
I feel my body drooping from an attack. My blood is pumping hard, trying to rush necessary survival chemicals to my brain. I had mistaken my senses alerting me to run for those that elude pain. Being swallowed into a swirling storm of chaos draws me close to a fire that does not want to be extinguished.

I was mislead, but more than that, I miscalculated. I trusted where none was warranted; I believed when to do so would be foolish; I gave my precious energy and in doing so fell spriraling into a black hole.

My mind told me countless times, but I based my actions on faith in someone else. I believed they could be good-hearted. That behind all that take was some give.

TRAGICOMEDY

Imagine looking up
from the top
down
from the bottom

Tossed into confusion
too confusing

The swirls of euphoria
descend into pain
intertwining
combining
the top, the bottom

I lose myself
in time
in rhyme
sublime
suffering

I chase rabbits freely
sweetly knowing
nothing.

allen p.

blah

haven’t been much for cybercommo lately. just checking in. life is ok here, hopefully all are doing well.

that’s all i have today. boring,  i know, but i’m tired of not having anything here for updates.

that’s it.